Did you learn an instrument as a child? How was it? Odds are you had one of two experiences or possibly a combination of both.
The first, is similar to mine, with a child that has a desire to play, his parents get them a guitar and he has a dream that inspires him to play the guitar until he gets it right. He finds friends and starts a band and then goes on to college to play an instrument with groups and continues to play the instrument for the rest of his life.
The second, has a child that was handed an instrument and asked to play it. Normally it’s a desire of the parent or a requirement of the school they attend. They take private lessons and rarely play music with their friends. They find it hard to be motivated to practice. They may get great at the instrument, but they feel isolated and are usually unmotivated to practice, which eventually leads to them not playing music at all.
Now I know that these two examples are complete opposites and definitely extremes and your personal musical journey probably meandered between these two extremes. In these extremes, though, we can see some things that are important in creating an environment that helps our child dream and gives them a natural desire to practice.
Over the next few articles I’ll help you cultivate an environment that fosters your child’s natural dreams, creativity, learning, and friendships to give them the best shot at having the first experience.
1. Dreams
In most successful cases, it starts with a dream. It’s that thing that leads your child to say I want to play guitar or trumpet or piano or sing.
Did you ever do magic? Me either, but I do remember that my brother did. My parents bought him a set of magic tricks and he practiced and made a big deal about the magic show that he was going to perform for the family. He got everything set up and didn’t let us help. Wouldn’t even let us come in until he was ready. And then finally we were allowed in and he performed the show and we clapped and he was so excited.
So how is my brother the magician doing now? He’s not a magician, but he is a performer and I firmly believe it was these beginning experiences that lead him to eventually pursue his dream.
Do you dream? Often as adults we have forgotten that burning feeling that dreams produce because our dreams have been beaten back by disappointments. That dimmed our dream.
Early on in a child’s learning it is important that we support the dream, but realize it’s not our dream or our life. In the example above notice my brother set everything up, not me, not my parents. Letting our children take ownership of their dreams is important and that includes when they don’t.
What do you mean when they don’t? The beginning is all about supporting their dream and being a sounding board and helping as you can with whatever you are willing to help with (i.e. lessons, instruments, transportation) without making the dream happen for them. It’s a high wire act for sure, but staying out of the way will help in their future development.
So what do I actually do?
Support- In whatever way you can support their dream. But do this without pushing. After all it is their dream not yours.
Let them fail- If they don’t practice you can suggest that they practice, but limit it to infrequent gentle nudges. Give them a chance to work out mistakes first and don’t step in unless you are asked to. I will talk later about ways that you can get involved, but until then, work on restraint.
Dream with them- Find your dreams and chase them. Nothing will motivate your child more than sharing your dreams with them and helping them with their dreams.
Find Lessons that support their dreams- Find a teacher that works within your child’s interest or fits well with your child’s personality. There are bad teachers, but there is no such thing as a teacher that is best for everyone. Find the style that works best for your child.
In this series I will talk about ways that you and your child can work together to create a learning environment that helps you both and brings you closer together. Subscribe to my list for all future updates and to get free resources and access to free lessons.