Why don’t you practice anymore?  Shouldn’t you be practicing right now?  I can’t believe I spent all of this money on your guitar and your lessons and you never practice, I’m just going to sell it.  Do these sound familiar to you?  Maybe you remember hearing this as a child when you were learning an instrument or playing a sport.  Maybe you have even said some of these things to your child.  

What happened?  When did that passion that led them to begging for the instrument and lessons or to play that sport go away?  Can they get it back?  Can I get my child to practice again?

Obviously the answer is yes or there wouldn’t be any point in writing this blog, but some of the things that I am going to offer may require work and be outside of the vision you have had of what your child’s practice would or should look like.

Help them Find their Vision

The first thing to do is to help them find their passion again.  When we first start learning a new thing, we are really excited about it and we don’t have to motivate ourselves to practice.  Think of the time leading up to getting the instrument, the begging and the bartering.  The excitement when they finally get the instrument and the anticipation of their first lesson.  

They had a vision that led to this initial excitement, whether it was playing live or being able to play a certain song or play with their friends or to be a rock star.  We have these visions leading up to getting the instrument that leads to that excitement, but we rarely express what our vision is out loud.  After we get the instrument, we start the hard and sometimes tedious work of actually learning the instrument and we quickly lose site of the dream or vision that we had for all of the stuff we have to do to get there.  If you can think of a few times that this exact thing has happened to you, then you have a good idea of what may be happening with your child.

The trick is to capture that passion again.  We can do this by asking “If you could play anything or do anything with this instrument what would it be?”  Depending on when you ask this, their answer may be, “Throw it in the trash,” but try to redirect them back to where they were back before the instrument and before the lessons.

Another great way to do this is simply to find 5 songs that they would like to play.  Having 5 songs that inspire you starts to put that vision back in focus and once they are realigned with their vision, then practice will begin to become more bearable because they have a focus and a dream that they are striving towards.

If you’d like to learn more about how 5 songs can change your playing, click here to check out the blog article.

Them vs. You

One thing that can help to get a child to enjoy practicing is by reimagining our interactions with our child and their practice habits.  The first thing we need to think through is this idea that it’s their lessons and their instrument.  As parents, we treat these things as being theirs and it is, but then we get upset when we try to help them or teach them and they don’t want any part of it.  I hear parents complain all the time that their child will not learn from them when they try to teach or help, but most of the time we use language that implies that learning an instrument is “their thing.”  It’s their instrument.  It’s their responsibility to practice. We tend to interject only when we see something that we don’t like, like they aren’t practicing or they aren’t practicing “the correct way.”  When we start to notice that our child’s practice habits have changed, normally they have been incrementally changing for a while.  We try to help by working with them or telling them to practice, but by this time practice has become so personal to them that they don’t want you in their bubble and any interjection by you is viewed as criticism or failure on their part.

If your child is starting private lessons or learning an instrument at school or learning any new skill and you want to help, here are a couple of ways that you can start that aren’t critical and are unobtrusive. 

Learn the songs together

Start out being involved in the lessons.  If you have a second guitar, learn how to play the songs and set a time once a week to practice together with your child.  Make sure to make it fun!  You can do this by making it more about playing and less about practicing.  When you play together, don’t correct mistakes unless your child asks for help and make it more about performing together and less about “practicing” or “learning.”

Have them teach you

Another option is to set aside a time for them to teach you.  When you teach a skill to someone else you begin to own that skill.  By having your child teach you, they are reinforcing the things that they have learned and pulling you in to their bubble.  The hardest part with this one is that you have to be completely vulnerable and fight the urge to teach.  You can ask questions, but if you correct or teach it may put them back on the defensive.  Remember, you are the student!

Having your child teach you is a great way to become involved in your child’s learning if they have been taking lessons for a while.  If you are humble and really let them teach you, then it can be a great way for them to let you in to the personal space that they have created around their lesson.

Pick 5 Songs

Take the advice from above and pick 5 songs to learn together.  Picking songs separate from what your child is learning in their lessons adds a new dimension to their learning and creates a space for you and your child to learn together in a unique way separate from their lesson learning.

Make it Easy

Often we approach learning an instrument the exact same way for every student, but every student isn’t the same.  Some guitarists can start with chords and have no problem.  Others need to slowly  work up to them.  Some pianists can play with both hands after a few weeks others take years.  Finding songs or techniques that will give your child a quick win is a great way to get them excited about practicing again.

If your child has had problems with certain techniques, it may be beneficial to try to break things down into even simpler techniques.  For guitar chords, playing only part of the chord or even one note of the chord, but following along with one of their favorite songs can not only remove that tough barrier that was giving them trouble, but also inspire them to practice.  Once they are practicing more you can slowly add a chord at a time until they are playing all chords.

Another way to make it easy is to setup the practice area so that your child has easy access to their instrument and their music at all times.  This allows for quick practice sessions of 5-15 minutes, which is a lot easier to maintain than 30 minutes to an hour when you have to get your instrument and music prepped everytime.

Practice Time

Speaking of time spent practicing.  Another thing to consider is the amount of time your child is expected to practice.  If they aren’t practicing at all and they are expected to practice 30 minutes a day, we have to find a way to work up to that.

Start with 5 minutes a day practicing with no distractions.  It helps if the room is setup so that all they have to do is sit down and start playing.

Have a Goal

The last thing that will help is to set a goal.  During the pandemic your child may not have a chance to play live for friends or family, but setting a goal to do a weekly  or monthly recording that you share with family is a great way to motivate your child to practice.  

I hope that these tips have inspired you to think outside of the box with your child’s practice routine.  If you are interested in learning more from me, sign up for my 10 day guitar course.  I will teach you how to learn 5 songs in 10 days and how to work together with your child or your friends to teach each other and learn together.  

Do you have a great practice tip?  Leave it in the comments!